Mostly, I am known for talking too much. Most days, I can think of two or three letters to the editor, of what purports to be a newspaper locally, to rant about something or another. This adoption has changed all that. Suddenly, I don't know anything worth saying. Maybe what's going on is too special; I don't want the general response because I don't want to have to tell someone I love to "be quiet" because if they are not on board they don't get to rock the boat. Maybe it is because the process of international adoption is largely a lot of hard work and you hafta hold your mouth right all the time, so it is taking all my concentration, leaving me no mental space with which to crack wise. The real biggie is that everything you touch in any kind of adoption says in big letters,"THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES". Maybe I am really afraid of cutting lose big and celebrating full and free and having something go wrong.
I don't have to tell anyone to be quiet, because I have only heard from three family members in response to our news. Our friends have lavished love and blessing and excitement. In the paperwork, I am not alone. Others are chin deep in this. Mickey is doing as much as I am. Our social worker and the staff at the international agency are dreamy.
Fearless. God wants me to be fearless. If it goes wrong and it all falls through, He is the one who will count my tears.