14 December 2010

Worth the Wait

I have been trying everything to get my kids to smile.  Making them study, do their chores and wear shoes rather than flip flops when they leave the house in below freezing weather.  Yeah.  The smiles have come few and far between.  Let's just put it this way, have you seen the commercial for a cruise vacation where there is a young teenage girl who doesn't smile except for when there is a tanned and muscled windsurfing instructor? 


There are no windsurfing instructors here.

Do you remember when your younger brother was born?  What were you, like, three? Things had been pretty sweet up to then.  You had Mom's undivided attention whenever she wasn't on the phone you wanted it.  Everything you did was clever and every paper you brought home from school was further evidence that you were a genius.  Grandma was wrapped around your little finger.  And Grandpa.  Forget about it.  You owned Grandpa.

Until he HE came.  Nothing like carrying on the family name and having a, um...five o'clock shadow, to make them forget your name.

But you got their attention.  He cried; you cried.  He wet; you wet.  He messed himself; you...

colored on the walls.

Imagine, if you will, that you reigned for another ten years before the little fella came along.  Everyone you knew was cooing over the new guy.  Asking you what you thought of the new guy.  Impressed with all the manners and the accomplishments of the new guy.

Imagine you were thirteen.  THIRTEEN, people!  When you are thirteen, everyone hates you for new reasons everyday, mostly because your shirt is the wrong color or your hair doesn't look right.  When you are thirteen, your parents are wrong about everything for reasons that you are making up as you go.  When you are thirteen, you are frantically clinging to the idea that you are the center of the ACTUAL universe, and the axis of the earth LITERALLY shoots up through the downstairs half bath.  Life is not generally cooperative and you are continually at odds with a world that insists that the earth's axis really shoots up through the north pole...  That's why they refer to it as a pole.  Even though it isn't actually a pole. 

It is really confusing to be thirteen.

Then your embarrassing parents adopt a little boy.  Who is six.  Not only is everyone looking at you.  Actually.  Not just in your imagination.  The kid is also dynamite.  "What if Mom and Dad notice he has better manners?"  "What if he makes better grades?"  "What if his cute and cuddliness accentuates my repellent prickliness?"  "What if they decide not to love me anymore?"  "I have been rather a "fire-breathing so and so" for a year or two; are they trying to replace me?

We did.  He does, but he's in the first grade.  It does.  Are you serious? I might as well decide to fly with these batwings.  While you do tempt me, no; never going to happen.

For his part, he loves them truly, madly, deeply.  No matter what their drama.

For a minute this evening, there must have been a surf instructor behind me while I had the camera out.

Or maybe it was just the chocolate ice cream.





I couldn't ask for a better gift for the holidays.

“I am participating in the Invisalign Teen Bright Smiles Holiday Photo Contest with Dumb Mom.”




17 November 2010

Wordful Wednesday in the Woods

 
Several weeks ago, while the jet lag was still beating me down, we took this show on the road for a day trip to the nearby national park.  No one fell in the water.


They were grinding corn in this mill the day we were there and if you wanted to take some fresh cornmeal home, you could.

 
Again, no one got wet.  Really.


 Remember I said, "Jet lag".  It was about three a.m.  And the sun is in my eyes. 
Look at the boy.  I don't know who the frowning woman behind him is.

This post is linked to Wordful Wednesday at:

09 November 2010

Right on Target

Why am I running to the store again?  This time for T.P.  Another non-negotiable.  He really doesn't use all that much more of anything. He really is just one small child.

Need anything while I am out?

06 November 2010

Not aborted. Not abandoned. Not ashamed.

     While in China,  I saw a family at the playground with their special needs child.  Not the easy road.  I think.  In America physicians make available the option to terminate fetuses with this condition if it is noted prior to birth.  In China, this procedure is generally less commonly accepted.  Also, it is not clear whether pre-natal testing is widely available.
      What an encouragement to see this family.  In a nation where, to raise more than one child is met with economic and social sanctions, this older couple and their teenage daughter were enjoying and encouraging their young sister/daughter who will never graduate at the top of her class or take care of them in their old age.
     My niece will come home to her forever family early next year.  God's plan for her being that she bring joy to a family who will bring love and nurture to her.
     Lest we ever fall into the trap of thinking there is one rule for a whole nation, culture, or people group.  All the special needs children are not set aside under the pressure of the one child policy.




05 November 2010

Tap Water:

This conversation took place the first week.  He was SO respectful throughout this precious conversation.

Thirsty Boy: (Looking around the table at every family member over the edge of his cup)  Is this tap water?

Someone: Yes.

Thirsty Boy: (Sniffing the cup.  Pulling a face.)  It smells yucky.

Someone: Maybe you are smelling the dishwashing detergent in the cup?

Thirsty Boy: I think it is the water.

Sister:  It's the cup. 

Thirsty Boy: In China, we don't drink tap water.  It will make us sick.

Someone: This tap water is safe to drink.  In America, we have a water treatment system that gives us drinkable water at the tap.  China is still working on getting a clean water system.  See, we are all drinking the water.

Thirsty Boy: You know, this isn't safe. (sips the water).


......Day before yesterday, he said, "I like tap water, now."


26 October 2010

Warning: Cuteness Ahead

 
This boy loves a map.

 
Which we needed at the Safari Park.

 
Did I say he really loves a map?

 
I was SO bummed that the Divas were not here.



 
Dude almost got eaten by a Giraffe.  (Not really they are herbivores.)

 
There were a lot of babies.

(That is her baby's head sticking out under her arm.)

It was a wonderful day.




Hanging out in China: 2

We split the week of National Day (yes, I said the week of National Day) between the provincial city and the city of Guangzhou (Canton).  The contrast was remarkable.  One is in a dry place and the weather had been autumnal the entire time.  The other is tropical and humid the place adoptive families stay is on an island with a pedestrian orientation. Beautifully landscaped, it is a destination for couples to have their bridal portraits taken.  The hotel was (for the same price) loads nicer.  There, too, we ran into other adoptive families and made new connections that we hope to preserve.





       Getting ready for Home.

Marcus loves breakfast.

Vincas go crazy here.



Hanging in China.



We stayed at this hotel.  Here is the view out front by day.  Even with not much going on, it is spectacular for the sheer volume of activity.  The reason I traveled when I did and stayed as long is because National Day was coming.  The few days I was there prior to the beginning of this week long holiday allowed me to appreciate the increase enormous increase in the number of people on the sidewalk.  Really, you have never seen anything like it in the U.S.(Even in NYC).

Day One: China

 Having landed on Friday night, I bounced up Saturday morning for an appointment in the Civil Affairs Office for Gotcha Day.  Okay, bounced is not really the right word.


29 September 2010

He said it best...

Robert Pierce, founder of World Vision said, "Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God."

Skin taut across her cheeks and forehead, tiny mouth and tongue trying to suck the air. No, she is on a schedule. She ate at 8:30. It was ll. There was another hungry baby, but she was asleep. I guess.

Another baby. Blue face and hands and crying. I picked her up and made baby noises. She calmed and even smiled at my son and I.

How many babies are in this room?

27.

Why are you crying, mom?

26 September 2010

"Nothing Hard Is Ever Easy."*

While we were in the office, there was another couple there.
They had a baby with them, so I thought they were there to do the same thing we were. They were clearly also from another culture so I chalked their solemn demeanor to that.
When she stepped out to the toilet, her husband come over and explained. They had received their child a few days prior.
In less than a day it became clear that she had significant developmental delays, possibly long term medical needs. They had not pursued or prepared for a special needs adoption. They felt that it was completely necessary to return the baby girl. They had waited three years to come and get their baby. Their hearts were broken.
While we were still there, a representative of the orphanage arrived to take the little girl. The mom and dad both kissed and held the little girl before they said goodbye. They had waited three years to come and get their baby.
I will never remember this day without remembering them.






*Quote from our friend, Tim.

We Are Here

I could tell you about the most beautiful skies I have ever seen on the flight to Chicago.

I could tell you about the instant connection with Sister Nelson in the waiting area at O'Hare.

I could tell you about the pleasant seat neighbors and the much better food on American than the airline I flew last time when I came here.

I could tell you a lot of things that might be interesting to someone who worshipped the ground I walked on...

But I am going to tell you what you really need to know...

I met him at the Civil Affairs office yesterday at about 10:30.

I said, "I'm sorry I took so long."

He said, "That's okay."




Please continue to keep us in your prayers for jet lag and air quality and changing from one way of doing things to another. The hotel bed is great and so are the towels. I am in the middle of a good book that is keeping me company in the middle of the night. And I have finally found time and alertness to blog. I will do pictures later.

20 September 2010

Now...finally. Enough Pressure to Get Started.

Remember in school?  I guess I am the only one who did this.  I used to wait until the night before a project was due to write it.  Before computers.  I had a typewriter, but I hated using it because if I made too many mistakes and ran out of correction ribbon...  The second half of the paper would be filled with white-out or I would have to labor away with the little films...  Ugh.  So about 8:00 the night before, I would sit down with notebook paper and Bic and turn out in one draft whatever was to be presented the next day...  Not bragging.  It was foolishness.  Imagine what I might have become if I had done the work the way it was intended to be done.

But. As you well know. I digress.

I prefer the pressure, though.

My flight for China leaves at 6:05 a.m. Thursday morning.  Ya know, why?  6:05 in the morning?  I am a morning person and I know this is insanity.  This is why I needed to start getting ready now. Because I am going to get no sleep at all Wednesday Night worrying that I will get there too late and be refused admittance (this is the way my mind works. If you worry and it doesn't happen, obviously that is proof that worrying works).

Instead of starting at 8:00 Wednesday night, I got started about 4:00 yesterday afternoon. I guess I have mellowed in my old age.  I started cleaning house. 

I have to decide what to take and what to buy there or live without.  I am going to be there an extra week.  I could go later and stay a shorter time, but it would cost more...who would do that? There is a national holiday that closes all the government offices in China for about a week.  I have to go before the holiday to complete the process in the province before the offices close.  Then, we hang out.  5 or 6 extra days.  Then we will complete the adoption at the U.S. Consulate.  And come home. The day this great International Trade Show begins and causes the hotel rates to triple we will slip out early and be gone. 

Home.

Needs cleaning and filling with food.  Scheduling the divas for friends houses to keep them busy so they can not miss the time.

They are worried about all this.  A good friend has taken them under her wing and planned activities for them so they can do some preparations of their own and get in the spirit of the thing.  One is on board, the other is not sure.  Sometimes they trade sides and do the other thing for awhile.

I have to decide how much baggage to take. I get two bags of 50lbs. What to put in it.  My stuff.  His stuff.  Gifts for various important people.  What in the world are these gifts supposed to be like?

God willing, we will be able to get into a sort of routine. During the days.  Of waiting.  Photos of the hotels tell a little of the story; the street in front of the hotel in the second city is quiet and appears clean.  There is a 7-11 somewhere and a pool on the roof.  I will certainly take some fun things to entertain a 6 yo.

Hopefully, Mr S. and the divas will get into a routine too.  And have a really good time.  Hanging out.  Staying up too late.  But getting their schoolwork done...  I am going to miss them.  And even with the dreams of the last year coming true, I will be lonely without them.

So very many of our friends have come alongside and offered to help in any way they can.  Having the girls over while Mr. S. works or he can just call if he needs anything at all.  So lovely.

It reminds me of a story.


One that is yet to be told.

One that is quite old.

One where redemption came at a price and the Dad had to stay home and watch, and the angels were delighted to help in anyway they could.  People prayed.  Some of the children who already belonged to the family weren't sure the sacrifice was a good idea and they REALLY didn't care for letting the new kid(s) into the family.  At first.  But God worked in their hearts and redeemed them all. And they became a people who were once not a people....

17 September 2010

Booked and Packed...or just booked

It has taken 10 days, but I have an itinerary.  I am completely mystified as to what to pack, though.  And I need to get gifts for all the different people along the way.  I'll need some

16 September 2010

Ironic

Yes, I know I am supposed to be doing the 30,000,000 things I have to do before I leave for China a week from today to be gone for three weeks, but when I got Mama Kat's assignments this week...  I found a new and brilliant way to procrastinate.  I am really looking forward to being in a space between drama so I can blog for the heck of it.

     
      We had been living with my Aunt(my mom's stepsister) for a couple of months with mom trying to find a good job and place to live.  Mom's stepbrother and his family lived about a mile away.  Nah, not a mile.  I was a little bitty kid, it was a bit of a walk, but my legs were short.  Anyway.
     I was not much of a rule breaker, for reasons that will become clear.  So Mom had met this guy at some point, and we had visited the teeny weeny town where he lived and owned a business.  He was taking her on vacation.  To Hawaii.  I was to stay with my uncle and his wife for the duration of her absence.  The reason: my aunt had two teenage boys and Mother figured they would molest me while she was gone.  So I was to stay with Uncle Horace and Aunt Anastasia*.
     The first Saturday , their six year old went to a friend's house and was gone all day.  I mean, ate some cereal and left on foot. Horace and Anastasia fought all day long.  Not about anything.  Just fighting. Screaming, running back and forth through the house.  Slamming doors.  Silences.  I suppose some discussion may have taken place during these quiet times, but I was outside on the swing.
     I am 11.  I have been told I have to stay here.  I am afraid he is going to hurt her.  I have information I don't want to have.  Their deaf, two year-old son is in the house with them.  I want to go get him to take him somewhere so he doesn't have to watch.  I don't want them to know that I know. I can't go in to eat or pee.
      I have no idea how long I sat there.
      I eventually got up and went to my Aunt's house.  I stayed the remainder of the Hawaiian vacation.  I was not harmed by my cousins.

When I was 28, my uncle died of cancer in prison while serving a sentence for killing a man.


This post is linked to Mama Kat.
 Mama's Losin' It


*seriously.  

08 September 2010

YES

Yes, This started out to be an adoption blog.

Yes, I promise.

Yes, It did.

Today, it is.

YES! We have Travel Approval.

(Today or tomorrow(at the latest Thursday. ~insert eye roll~), we should receive confirmation of our consulate appointment -- Sept 28 or 29; Oct 6, 12 or 13.  Then back up 14 days and that is when I need to be in China.  I may get to be in China for some national holidays that close the public offices.  Meaning, I may have to "get the heck out of dodge".  I could be out of here in a week.)

Yes, it is almost finally here.

Yes, I am excited.

Yes, I am already panicking.

Yes, there are still some reasonably priced flights.

Yes, my disorganization has come home to roost.

Yes, we are still hoping for more funds to come in so that we have a little cushion.

Yes, we are going to be in Guangzhou during the International Trade Show (or whatever it is called).

Yes, I am headed over to the Chinese 'grossery'* to start getting used to the smell.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.

Please join the party here because I tried to upload this...and it wasn't happening .













*this is not a typo, I mean; they sell groceries, but most of the stuff is really gross.  And it stinks smells like the real thing.

Lord, You are Good

27 August 2010

Wait? I Got Your Wait, Right Here.

     I am fit to be tied.  I am a basket full of hag.  I can't sleep. I'd like to say I can't eat, but, no.  That doesn't seem to be a problem.  I am barely able to put together a to do list; much less concentrate on the task.

We are SUPPOSED to have that Article 5 thingy.  Actual documentation has not been confirmed.  We are all humans here, if a ball has been dropped, just say so.  I drop them all the time.  My house is more like a ball pit than a field of play.  If this notification has been received, could someone please take 15 seconds out of your, "Yeah-I-Get-It-You-Have-More-Going-On-Than-Just-My-File" life and drop me an e-mail that says, "Sutliff A5 issued 8-19-10."  Or even, "It came through on 8-19 when we said it would.  Get off our backs, Hag."

Just.  Say.

If 8-19 was the day, then we are awaiting Travel Approval or TA.  It could come today.  Maybe not until October.  Did I already mention that?  Okay? Well. Chew on this.  The U.S. Consulate has opened up extra appointments in September to clear out the office so as many as possible can be seen before the busy and expensive travel season in China begins in October.  A cursory check of airline schedules revealed that some flights will triple in cost October 1.  Yes, I said triple.

We have an unusual situation, in that we already knew this little guy when we began the process, so his foster mom was keen to get us communicating every day as soon as possible.  Which was more than a year.  Now he knows it is us.  Seeing his face and hearing his voice and not being able to get on the airplane and go get him is not beneficial.  It is wearing on him; I can tell.  It is killing me.  (Imagine your son is in another country and you can't just go get him.  He is suffering for it, as he wants to be home, too.  But, no.)

CRAZYBELOVED PLEDGE TO MY FRIENDS, MY EASILY EMBARRASSED CHILDREN AND MY HUSBAND IN THE DENTIST'S CHAIR WHO NEEDS TO FR@#$%N' RELAX

Article 1 - I will not climb a clock tower with a high-powered automatic weapon, drive through the dining room at McDonald's or enter a bank and hold hostages in order to get the "overworked-agency-employee-who-cannot-hide-her-dislike-for-me" to call me back.
Article 2 - I will do ALL the things that need to be done before I leave. Finish his room, find gifts for all the people you buy gifts for, co-ordinate lesson plans for the Lucky Dog who gets to ride herd on the Divas. I am just gonna say, Etc, now.
Article 3 - I will be pleasant to strangers.  It is so easy to just ignore the person on the other side of the counter when you are distracted.
Article 4 - I will be sickeningly sweet to the Divas who are going through their own process.  It is hard to be 13 without all these extenuating circumstances.
Article 5 - I will not default to nitpicking on my husband (anymore).
Article 6 - I will stay edgy and fringe-y like this.  It is decorative and when I keep remembering I have no control, God has room to make things move.
Article 7 - I will TRY to celebrate how far we have come. (Because anyone who has ever been in a race knows you don't stop before the finish line to celebrate how far you've come.  Y'all know this.)
Article 8 - I will find some good fiction to get lost in.
Article 9 - I will call Chantele, because face it, she ain't gonna dial.
Article 10 -  I will keep my mouth closed.  I need to listen.
Article 11 - I will determine to have a good time when all the things are marked off my list.
Article 12 - I will get my hair cut.  So I don't frighten the boy.  Or. China.
Article 13 - I will pray.  How did this one get all the way down here?  Shouldn't it be number one?
Article 14 - I will set down this heavy perfectionism.  And take on the His easy yoke.
Article 15 - I will wait.

24 August 2010

I am NOT...repeat NOT in China

Thank you, friends, for all your encouragement following my last post nearly a month ago.  The truth is I was acting like a seventh grader and I have realized that I do have a lot of friends IRL and blog. Some that I think are both... Thanks, y'all.

What happened is that so much was happening, I just kept waiting to share all the wonderfulness and more would happen and I lost control of my list of great things happening until the update was just a diary of what I have been doing.  Which I hear is dull,...except to your grandma.

The day before the last post, Mickey attended regular Wednesday night prayer at our church and the faithful few began to pray for some specifics and some generals.  You could tell, that Thursday, I was at the end of myself and sort of let go.  Later that evening we went to our friends house to "play cards" (read: talk hard fast and continuously and stay up way too late). I found out that Dana still had all her 8th grade curriculum, and she would be willing to let us borrow it (Answer to those prayers#1). Friday, the "letter that was late" came in the mail (Answer #2).  Mickey and I also had a slightly delayed anniversary celebration which was really nice (Unanticipated blessing #1).

One reason I haven't posted is that the girls had been saying that I don't do any work around the house because I am always on the computer.  I decided that I would show them what life is like when mom is running the "work".  So much for my cleverness.  They were sort of right.  Yes, a lot got done without me sitting in front of the computer(unanticipated blessing #2 -- I can admit it).  Yes, I probably had let it get the best of me.  No, they don't get to tell me what is right and wrong.  They are not my mother.  Incidentally, they did not demonstrate more faithfulness when the leadership was better.

Turns out, I may have identified a new mental/emotional condition. "Pre-Traumatic Stress Discomfort", may be present when a young person avoids participation in anything they fear may involve attention to detail, attention to concerns other than their own pleasure, attainment to standards they have not yet mastered, or sweat generated by work rather than play.  Other criteria may include, but are not limited to: fear that if you do it right, it will be expected of you all the time; delusions that other people's homes are pleasant to be in because they are at the amusement park or other ridiculously expensive entertainment, all day every day and as such never need to clean them; unawareness that of what amounts to a traumatic stressor (i.e.; the confusion that the traumatic stress will come from simply doing what has been asked, rather than the traumatic stress of losing a parent who had a brain bleed from NOT telling you exactly what was on her mind...even if you repeatedly reminded her you had heard all you needed to out of her).

~ giant inhale~

That said, Monday dawned bright and clear and we worked like workers. Moving bedrooms.  The girls were delighted.  After a year of telling us they would not give up their space, they were absolutely thrilled (Huge answer to prayer # 3).  Monday afternoon, because we were on a roll, we went back over to Dana's and brought home the curriculum.  During this visit, I was feeling so smart, I invited Dana and her girls to breakfast on Wednesday, and they accepted and invited us in return to go thrifting with them...

And we did.

And (answer to prayer #4) we found a bed with a wagon wheel in the foot board, to go in the boy's room.  {On that day, we observed a worker in a thrift store threaten another worker.  I was concerned enough to report it, and it turned out that the person was disciplined by the organization (possibly an answer to someone else's prayers, who knows?  Oh yeah, God.).}

On the fundraising front, we have 50% of the amount we were looking for a month ago (answer to prayer #5).

There are unverified reports that we should have what is known as an Article 5, by now.  It should be followed by travel approval.  There are verified reports that TA s have been delayed due to the travel schedule of the one guy in all of China who issues these.  Apparently, they are short handed in China.  It could be Friday or in October. 

But.

There is one thing that has held me off from "celebrating my party with you".

In the last week of July, a friend's son, aged 12, was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma.

How do I dare to rejoice when this is going on?  I have searched the Scripture to find it, but I can't.  God, Himself has said that nothing intensifies sadness like someone nearby rejoicing in their circumstances.  I think it starts with, "Like smoke to the eyes..."  I am really genuinely hurting.  Going to God for meaning.  The year the girls went "out to school", Matthew was the one bright spot in a brutal year for one of my girls.  A true friend.  A really good friend.  Precious.  Well, and the whole family is, in a word, delicious.  They are really lovely and cool.

And challenged to their souls.  I can sit back and say it is all for a reason God is in control and he knows this is the way He is growing us generally and Matt and Kathy and their three boys specifically.  But it just hurts so much.  I have enough difficulty looking into the truth that I or someone else has sustained an enormous hurt.  But this is...Beyond.

Do me a favor.  If you can.  Pray for us all.  He hears if we ask.  All those answered prayers I listed, were addressed to the same One who holds this all in His hand.  He didn't "give" Matthew cancer.  We live in a fallen world.  Chemical exposures and errant cell mutations were not a part of the original design.  I don't know what He will do.  I know He can do it, though.

Needing to rejoice.  Having to mourn.  Monkey in the middle. Again.

22 August 2010

There is just too much

Now I have delayed updating and there is too much to say.  Too much living.  Too much talking.  Too much answering.  Too much progress.  Too much time between movements.  Too much to hope for and too much to do on my own.


Just like before.  But now for some reason.  I have no idea where to start or how to share.

M